I like big butts

And I dare not lie

160,959 notes

me:
haha hey guys do u dare me to eat this whole thing of ice cream
them:
no
me:
*shaking my head and chuckling* i cant believe you guys are making me do this
them:
we're not
me:
*eating right out of the thing* this is so wild you guys you're so fucked up for making me do this

189,771 notes

golgibodies:

texting someone new is always weird.

like how do they feel about all lowercase letters? do they think it looks dumb? do i have to use super proper grammar and punctuation? will they know im being sarcastic when i start abbreviating words? are they a haha or lol person? are they a strict no acronyms kind of person? how do they feel about pet names? what’s their stance on emojis? 

it’s terrifying 

(via rixikun)

1,084 notes

cashier:
hey didn't we go to school together?
me:
haha oh yeah hey!
me:
[leaving] i can never return to this place

43,949 notes

iguanamouth:

aliens arrive on earth but all they want to talk about is plants. scientists frantically question the aliens for days about secrets of space travel and civilization on other worlds but they always respond with “check out this fern”

(via buttastic)